Dinowoooooooooo--oooo

LOL. Anyways, I've just been so intensely busy with my life. Have no reason to come here and rant, haha. So---- I secretly made a kpop rp tumblr account thing. Only two people of my friends know about it. I can't tell Louie cause he is like super against RP. Honestly. I am too but like only to the people who are intense about it. Like take it more seriously than their own life. Yeah, there are those types. RP is for fun, not an escape. You can't replace a RP life with a real life, it just doesn't work like that.

NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO DONGWOO. It's depressing... xD Whatever, I'll just go do some other stuff.

So, the real reason why I'm here typing a blog post.
I'm just so lost... so confused and I don't know what to do. How did I end up loving someone who is completely different from the past people I ever liked.... Why.... did it have to be me? I don't hate it, it's just... it hurts. Loving someone who doesn't think about you as much as you think about them. No matter what I do.... I always end up falling in love with her again. It's so complicated... -sigh- long distance.... sucks.

LET ME LOVE YOU ;A;

Soooooo. It's been about a week since something wonderful happened.

Louie forgave me. Now we're friends again and I'm really grateful for that. Not only Louie, but I'm talking to people on skype again. The person who really hated me for betraying her because I dated the person she loves when I knew she loved her is also talking to me again, kind of. But she added me back on skype which I am extremely surprised. I was never mad or whatever at her. She was the one who kicked me out of her life. I guess everything is fine because we broke up. More like she dumped me, but whatever.

One thing that bothers me though is my ex keeps calling me the name she gave me when we dated. Not only that but showing or acting a certain way that reminds me of the time we had together. She sits next to me in latale and gets mad when I move away. She sends me a picture where it shows a face like (/-\) which is like hiding and it goes like this:
"(/-\)
Where'd you go? ;a;
\(^-^)/ Here I am!!
There's my baby!! -glomps-"
It was just something we'd do... When she showed me a picture of it, it really just hurts. My heart burns with jealousy. I don't make it that way, it just happens. I don't even know my feelings towards her. It just all hurts and burns in my heart. -sigh- I'll get over it eventually, right?

Anyways, instead of showing some stuff I have I want to share a picture that is making me die and spazz.

ROD, Y U NOT REAL!? ;A;

Realization

Bleeeh another one of these wishy washy posts.

Today I was sitting in the living room and I finally felt like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I was thinking that I was finally able to accept the fact my ex doesn't love me and only sees me as a friend and that I could look back to this memory and see it as a happy one. I really wish for it to be a happy memory. But then, my heart just starts feeling heavy whenever she talks to me.

Deep down, I'll never forget. You can never really forget your feelings of someone you loved so much. No matter how long in the future it is, I probably will never forget it either. How does one forget about an old love? You find a new one. I learned that from Bokura ga Ita. I'm afraid to ever love again.

I feel bad, on here I only said the bad things of my ex. I guess it's about time I say all the good things. She's really innocent when it comes to loving. She's a crybaby. She always would cry when we wouldn't talk for a while. Even just a few hours. If I didn't pick up the call she would cry. I thought it was adorable. Every night, even just for 5 minutes, we could call and say good night and the three words I hate hearing, "I love you." She's really nice, even when she can be a real meany sometimes, most of the time she is nice. She gives people too many chances, she forgives people too easily. She's the type of person you have to protect. She's really weak. She weaker than anyone thinks.

Honestly, with how we act with each other now.... You can't really say we're friends. We talk, typing that is, once a week. You know what hurts me the most though? She just naturally calls me the name she gave me when I meant something to her. The name only she was allowed to call me. That name... holds so many memories. I just wonder... What has she down with the promise ring and necklace... haha.. a idiot I am.

dsfghjkljkgjfhdry
Today's is...

My cow and HM: ANB~

Cause tonight, everything is alright---

Title is from a song xP Kind of been addicted to English music for once. The only English I actually listen to a lot is Christmas music though.

I am still forever waiting for my HM: ANB + Mr. Cow to arrive ;a; I am being super impatient! Butbutbut it's the whole reason why I decided to buy a 3DS! I wanted that game more the KH: 3D. But I bought my 3DS when the new KH came out so of course I le bought it!

I honestly have 0 idea on what to talk about today. Well, when I woke up I played The Walking Dead game. Not the Facebook one, pft. The one you get off steam, I finished Episode 1. But that game makes me panic. LOL I'm just very jumpy I guess xD

I've been wanting to play a FPS game though, I suck hardcore so I wanna practice more... But idk what is a good one to play. I was thinking of Left 4 Dead, but I don't know... Whatever, I'll just wait for my HM game ;A;

You know... during my high school days, my favorite birthday gift is... my 17 Orange origami turtles. It was my 17th birthday, one of my best friends at the time spent all night making them for me... She even told me her parents got mad at her for being up! I miss her a lot. I also got something similarish for christmas one year, but it was... 999 origami cranes. yes, 999. They say having 1,000 is good luck, but the person who made them for me said she wanted to just make 999 haha. It's all good though, it's in a big jar while my turtles are on a string xP

My stuff of stoof n' staff
Today is...

Meet my Mameshiba, Ty-chan! :D He's so adorable~

Shock Shock Shock...

My titles never make sense, do they? LOL. Well, it's from Wakuteka. :]

Today has been such a wonderful day! Except the fact I had a shitty headache when I woke up. Though took some medicine and felt better within a few minutes!

My Mom has been off the past 2 days so I've been out shopping with her. Just to like Walmart and such, nothing super huge. It's nice to shop with her cause she buys me the stuff I want.~ Like yesterday we went to a asian market and i saw they had yellow watermelons. I asked my mom if we could try it~ So we bought it. XD Not to mention she also bought me some Starbucks when we went to Target~

Today we went to Walmart, we bought a few things so I can eat when she is working. Then we went to McDonalds for lunch. Normally we just get the hot and spicy chicken sammiches, but they were giving out scooby-doo trick or treat baskets for the kids meal toy. I asked my mom if she could get me one.... I ended up with a chicken sammich and a kids meal~~!! hehehe it's wonderful!

I come home and check my e-mail and----- MY HARVEST MOON: A NEW BEGINNING HAS SHIPPED!!!! *_______________________________* ROD MY LOVE HERE I COME!!! Gaaaah~~!!! SO GOD DAMN EXCITED! Thank god I took the most expansive shipping~ Woo hoo 2 day shipping!! GASDFHSADGSJGKSDKGREK I CAN'T WAIT FOR MR. COW

Hahaha~ Mr. Cow reminds me of Julie~ She for some odd reason really liked cows xP her AIM even had to do with cows and purple LOLOL xD Gaaah~ She's so odd, but I love her to death. She messaged me yesterday wanting to making mochi because hers melted!

My lovely stoof and stuff and shit. xD

Today's is...

Woo hooo Renai hunter sets! Though I ended up giving one of the white bg sets to my brother~

I'm hungry...

My sleeping hasn't changed since the last post... Oh well, I actually like waking up earlier, I get to see the beauty of the day light. I can't wait until winter though! I always find it calming when the sky is all dark and cloudy and it's nice and cold outside. It kind of reminds me of high school because I would sit outside waiting for my ride and just stare at the sky. In my eyes it was so beautiful. I guess that's what I get for being a winter baby. I love it though~

I recently been playing Fable The Lost Chapters, I've always been wanting to play Fable. I was going to just play Fable III but they I just decided to play the older one and once I'm done with it I'll get into the next. Though I can't play Fable II since it's not on the computer...

Sooooo, I kind of want to talk about something personal. Though, not like anyone reads my blog so it's fine~!

Past few days I've just been thinking, well more like comparing. The last person I had a crush on and my ex. They were completely different. Oh so very different.... Just cause I don't want to write their real names, we'll use code names. My last crush will be Gaki and my ex will be Kame. Okay, so Gaki is this cute little asian girl, we're actually the same height hahaha but I'm oh so very slightly taller. Honestly, she is very much like Gaki-san, like some of her expressions look similar. Gaki is the only person I spoiled in real life too, like I bought her things she wanted and treated her to drinks or food when we went out to eat. I also protected her a lot. When our friends were teasing her I was the only one comforting her when she started crying. Of course in the end everyone felt terrible. Fyi, Gaki is someone where if you make her cry it pains so much. She's like someone you can't hurt without feeling terrible. xD Anyways, she is smart. Super smart, when I needed help with something she would try and help me understand, which didn't happen often but when I did ask for her she was of great great help. Oh btw, Gaki has always been my type of girl. Honestly speaking she was exactly my type. XD I liked her a lot but our friendship meant the world to me so I didn't even think of making a move. Gaki.... was one of the only ones who tried to relate to me with Morning Musume. She learned their names and who my favorites were. She'd rarely get mad at me, even when I know I did something wrong she would always forgive me. Oh, I have no feelings for her anymore. It's just I wanted to point out how amazing she is and why I came to like her a lot. Every time I think about her now, I get a smile on my face. Just from the happy memories we had together. One memory will be with me forever. Right after graduation. Right after the ceremony all the graduates went outside to find their family. I walk outside and she comes running towards me with her arms wide open. Before I knew it, we were in a tight hug. It lasted for a few minutes but I will never forget the feeling I had. It was at that moment were I could finally say that I have no regrets on liking her for over 3 years. I was happy and I was able to not see her any more than a friend. I was able to move on from my one-sided love for her. Even though I was dating Kame during my senior year, I could honestly say that I still liked Gaki a lot.

Both Gaki and Kame are really innocent. Even though Gaki is my type, I could honestly say I was seriously in love with Kame. All the things I said to her, all the promises I kept with her. None of those were lies. I was really in love with her. Compared to Gaki, Kame was different. Even though we were dating, she would never prioritize me. She dumped me because of distance and because we've become more distant. It was like she was putting the blame on me. I was always here waiting for her to call or talk to me on skype but she would always choose her friends over me. She got mad at me a lot as well. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. I told her everyday that I loved her. I spent hundreds of dollars on things she wanted, which she eventually sold. I was always thinking of her above anyone. She really was my world, she meant everything to me. No matter what, I was never good enough for her. I'd get jealous because she talked to her role playing lover more than me and she would get mad. She would get mad at me if I was upset of the fact she won't ring with me. To her it felt like I was never her first choice. If someone else asked her to hang out or talk before I asked she would blow me off and not hang out with me. Even though she got mad at me oh so often, there were times where we were happy. I don't hate her., but if you'd ask me if I love her or have feelings for her, I wouldn't know how to answer.. She dumped me 3 times. Now she doesn't even talk to me unless it's about the walking dead or buying goods. I don't need pity,

I'm actually happy now. I lived a life without online friends. Online friends.... never really understand you. When you think they do, they really don't. They don't understand anything. The things you think, the things you like, the things that are good and bad. They only know the things you tell them. It took me awhile to get it, but real life friends, because they are right there by your side physically, they know everything about your mind, heart, and body.

anyways, that's enough for today. Never again will I make a post like this haha~

My lovely stuff of stooof~
Today is....

Some of my Gaki photos! x] Love it~! This is not even near all of it!

Exhausted.

So, I can't tell if I have Insomnia or if my sleeping pattern is just a little odd. Actually, I kind of fixed it. I went to bed around 9:30pm yesterday, but... I ended up waking up around 3:30am... What? So weird I know.

I'm actually heading to bed after I write this. Just thought I'd give an update here since it's been a few days, plus I got some new stuff I want to show. 

I been thinking, I really have no friends. LOL oddly enough, it doesn't bother me. Once I graduated from high school I expected not to keep a lot of contact with my friends from back then. It's true, I haven't talked to any of them in months. Even my old friend who I've been with since middle school! The prime reason on why I ended up in Kerr. I don't mind though, I'm just kind of sitting here. 

I talk to my cousin a lot, we play minecraft a lot. Though today I was a bit pissy at him. He told me to work on the gate for our factory, fyi we play tekkit. He was supposed to be working on the other parts of the factory since we aren't even near done! Guess what he does... nothing. Instead he just watches me struggle making the gate/door. Then when I finished I worked more in my office design. He then gets madish because I made my play more high tech than his. Apparently he is the main owner of the factory. Ummmm... what? Even on the other server I did most of the building. Oh wait, let me rephrase that, I did ALL of the factory building. It was hell too, we weren't ops so we couldn't be in creative mode. Let me tell you. It was a bitch to work on. Honestly, if I were to do my own factory and stuff, it wouldn't be that huge but it will be more efficient. I would get a lot more done too. Ah--- whatever. I like playing with him so it's fine. Just wish he did more.

I've been playing Harvest Moon: Animal Parade still. I got my Luke-honey to 3 hearts! Just 6 more until I can marry my love!! :DD I remember when I first played ToT (Tree of Tranquility) I was actually going to marry Owen, that was before I met Luke. Once I met Luke, it was love at first sight ;A; He is so... AMAZING!! I want him. In real life too~ x3

I wish I had money... I found something my brother would love for Christmas! I found out why I didn't get the job... haha I shouldn't have said that I was going to start college next semester... Whoops. My fault. I wasn't going to lie to them, I'm 18. Of course I'm going to go to college! 

I can't wait til October is over with! I decided that on my phone I'm going to be switching it with the holidays, I can't seem to find any turkey day themes. In the end I'm planning to just go straight to Christmas. Or maybe wait until Thanksgiving is over? I Don't know. After Thanksgiving they usually start playing Christmas music on the radio. Can't wait~ 

Speaking of Thanksgiving, every year we do a thankful tree. We get a little paper leaf and write what we're thankful for. Last year I wrote about meeting a certain someone and loving them. I'm thankful for it, but I can't help but regret it. I'm just full of regret, haha.

MY LOVELY STUFF OF STOOF!
Today is.....

 My Wakuteka Take a Chance CD + Poster!

Harvest Mooooooooon

I haven't updated here in a few days. The reason for that is because there was nothing I felt like blogging about, well that and I was too lazy to install firefox on my laptop!

Why do I use firefox? Well because I don't want to log off my gmail on my google chrome LOL it's such a hassle!

Speaking of laptop by the way... I got a new laptop! haha~ It's still an HP Pavillion, just even better! Soooo happy! For the last five years I've been stuck with Windows Vista and now... I finally have windows 7! FINALLY. Not only that but I also installed Sony Vegas 12.0! Waaaah~~ So happy!

Only a few more weeks until HM:ANB releases! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO excited! I even started playing my Animal Parade again just because I've been craving to play an HM game! Plus I want to marry my Luke-honey~~

Yesterday, I went to hang out with my cousin. We played Resident Evil 6 until 6:30am! We beat Leon's story! I suck so bad!! I die so much hahaha! It was all fun and games though~ He said he had fun too so all is good. I suck at shooting games... but my accuracy got better and better each chapter, which is good!

A few days ago I tried on my letterman again, man it felt so good to wear it. It gave me a warm feeling, inside and out haha. I don't know why, but it just felt very calming. Just like the winter air! Or well cold air in general. When it gets cold I feel so relaxed. I guess that's because of me being a Winter Baby~  I am so happy to be born in winter~!

MY LOVELY STUFF OF STUFF

Today's is....

My New laptop! You know how you have to name your laptop? I called it, Gaki-le-top. It's cute right! Haha, I think it is... xD I'm odd~ but I'm loving my laptop even though I'm not used t othe keyboard yet... I'm sad it doesn't have a s-video port.... I can't connect it to my TV anymore! ;A; well... Time to upgrade to a HDTV so I can use the HDMI cord~ xDD

Listening to: Lalala no Pipipi (I LOVE THIS SONG FYI.)

Memories

So, I'm so excited for The Walking Dead Season 3! I've been watching the past seasons with my friend and even though I really dislike Gory shows and movies. The walking dead is completely different, though while I watch it I kind of go crazy. I been wanting to get a new addicted game, but nothing has been too interesting to me so I kind of just sit here all bored out of my mind. I would play Dream Drop Distance, but I'm not in the mood for it! Tales of Two Towns as well... I just can't stick with a game and it bugs me cause most of my day I am here bored like crazy! I wish someone could recommend me a game... I can get and Wii or DS games. I was thinking of playing Harvest Moon 64, but then I kind of fall back on it... I tried Animal Parade, but it's too much effort!

Well, here goes another one of my love problem posts. So the one I've been watching The Walking Dead with is actually my ex. We watched it together when we were still dating. I question why she wanted to watch it again with me, she has other friends who apparently watch it. Actually, she has a lot of other friends in general. When I finally thought I don't love her anymore, I find myself sinking into all the reasons on why I loved her to begin with. It's annoying, right? She has no feelings for me anymore and I'm just here killing myself inside out. I'm happy just being her friend, which is a plus because before I hated it. Just thinking of her as a friend, but now I just feel comfortable with her. Like, I'm not in complete pain but my heart does feel weird at times. I don't understand it honestly.

MY LOVELY STUFF OF STUFF

Today's item is...

This is the little photo album our high school Liberian gave to all the seniors who were graduating. I love looking at these cause they make me feel at ease. The top picture is of my English 4 table group, missing 2 other people though, Sara is an amazing friend i met my last year. I pushed her to do her best so we could graduate together! The bottom photo is of me and my best friend, best advisory buddy EVER, Jacky~ She's been there for me all these years. I love this girl~ I miss her a lot too. She's really amazing in all levels. I really wish I could thank her for always being by my side. :3

Terrible.

My sleeping is so bad! I pretty much been asleep until 7pm yesterday! orz I went to bed around 11am.... It's the worse yet, maybe I should just do an all nighter? Yeah, I think I will today. I have to make my brother's cake for Saturday! Plus, I need to fix my sleeping for Saturday... so it's decided! I will not sleep.... Watch me sleep anyways.

I have nothing special to talk about but the fact I need double A batteries. I was going to play Harvest Moon Animal Parade, but I realized I had no batteries for the wiimote! I was depressed... Well, that's it for today!

My Lovely Stuff of stuff~

Today's is....

It's the reversible pouch! You can only get it if you have enough coins with Club Nintendo. I'm going to use it for my 3DS~! I wish I had more coins though! ;A;

listening to: Aitai Aitai Aitai na - C-ute

Awkward.

I'm feeling a bit.... odd. Well, honestly it just feels a bit awkward. My ex and I are in a call watching the walking dead season 1. I just feel a bit... awkward. One, I haven't talk to her in months. Two, it just feels weird to hear her voice again. I'm happy to hear her voice, but I unno I guess it just kind of hurts my heart a bit. Not as much as it used to though, I guess I'm just used to it a bit. When I was dumped, I understood why once you break up, it's hard to be friends again. It just hurts. Though, I'm doing better than how I used to xD She hasn't changed at all.

SSOOOOOO, I'm super excited! I just preordered my Harvest Moon: A New Beginning 15th Anniversary edition! IT COMES WITH A GIANT COW! svlsjdf;sjdf; :DDD  Amazing... Though, I kind of got the most expensive shipping... I wanted the second day shipping! So... I got it. LOL I wanted it asap.

As I thought, I still love my ex. =3= Not as much as I used to, but I still love her. Ugh, how annoying.

New blog corner!

My lovely stuff of stuff! This is about just random pictures of stuff I own, either it being my Morning Musume or Hello! Project goods or just stuffz in general!

Today's is.....

My Nintendo 3DS and Nintendo DS Lite♥ I love my beautiful 3DS♥

Byebye!

Watching: The Walking Dead Season 1 Episode 5

Shuwa Shuwa Pon!

Hyahoi! xD
Yesterday I went to the doctor's to get my shot so I can attend college. Yeah, I'm a little late but I honestly don't care as long as I get the education I need. After the shot my mom took me to get a smoothie and a sammich! I love viet sammiches~ They are too good ;A; After that we went to nippon daido, the Japanese grocery store we have here, I bought.... Mitsuya Cider! It was the first time I actually saw it there even though I've gone tons of times! I've had different brands of cider there before, but it was exciting to find Mitsuya cider haha~ If I remember, it's one of Rihoriho's favorite! xD Actually she recently put up a picture of her and mitsuya cider lol but hers was bottle form, mine was in a can. 250 mL. It was delicious though! After that I came home and napped. When I woke up my parents took me to the DPS to practice parallel parking. It was fairly easy imo. Everyone else who was there was there for like over and hour. I was there for literally like 20 minutes. xD

Btw, the shot hurt like a bitch. I'm fine now, but it hurt. I was freaking out when they put on the bandage though. Last time I used the cloth-like band-aid I got a allergic reaction to it. But I guess that was cause we buy the cheap dollar store ones.

Ahhh... I wish I bought more cider... It's expensive for a small can though! $1.99.... Next time I'll buy a few cans of it! Cider... has a really good smell doesn't it?

I'm off! Fuuu~~

Listening to: What's up? Ai wa dou na no yo

DuuDuuDuu

Hiyooo~ I'm not in a big mood to type in Japanese today. Right now I'm watching Bijo Gaku~ The episodes where Eri, Jun, Captain, and Yurina are doing a BBQ~ It was the last Bijo Gaki that featured JunEri ;A;

So today didn't go as planned ); I did get my sammich, but my cousin ended up not hanging out with me orz I don't know why.He won't answer my text messages x_x oh well.

I'm afraid ;a; I know it won't hurt but I'm still scared! At 1:30pm I have an appointment to get a shot I need for college... ugh. Not looking forward to that. I hate hate hate needles and blood. Reasons why I didn't choose to be a nurse!

So, I think my left shoulder is a bit dislocated.  It's hard to explain though, but it just feels a bit weird is all.

My last post I talked about my old crush of 3 1/2, that was only during Freshmen year to the end of my Junior year. So, actually it's only like 3 years. I kind of liked 'em during Senior year, but I was too in love with my girlfriend at the time to even think of anyone else.

I'm kind of just sitting here and I hear my dog's tail just banging against my door, I'm here all confused. Then I hear my mom's room door close, oddly for some reason one of my mom's good friends is here. I ate her bread. I didn't know it was hers btw, I didn't even know she was here until my Mom told me so. Oh well, I ate it. Unless you want it back in vomit form, there is no way I can give it back.

It's been already a month, or so, since my old friends I made on skype began hating me :P Funny though. I did a lot of good things rather than bad, always being there when they needed someone to lean on. Giving advice, doing whatever they wanted me to. I make one mistake and boom, they all hate me. I don't care anymore, it shows just how much they took me for granted. Apparently, I'm just a two-faced, betraying, ass jerk. :P If that's really how they think of me after one screw up, then go ahead.

Honestly, no one understands what I've been through in my life. During school I always acted strong, not showing any weaknesses. That was my nature. I didn't want pity from my friends whom I wanted to protect. There has only been one person I ever showed my weak spots. Only one person who heard me cry or seen me in actual pain. Even to this day, even though she broke my heart, I trust her with my life. Even when I hurt her the most. She's the only person who never left me alone. I guess... that's why I love her so much. I treasure her a lot. Not as a lover, but as a human and a friend. Even the other person who I trusted a lot betrayed me and casted me aside.

I'm fine though :P I'll do what I did 4 years ago when my family was going through the roughest times. Morning Musume was the only thing that kept me happy. That kept me strong and just continue life, and soon enough it was on a stable path.

On the other note, I wonder what University has a good Japanese program. Once I get used to college, I want to transfer so that I can continue with my dream. :] Soooooooo~~~

Until next time! Ciaooooo :]

(btw, the title... I was thinking of Do [Kudou Haruka])

寒いよ！

おはよ～今日は寒いですでも私は大好きです！えっと。。。今日は１０月１日２０１２年！秋だ！やあああ～楽しみに！ちょっと。。。私の日本語。。。でもがんばってます！よろしくおねがいします！

Fuuu~ Just though I would practice writing a bit in japanese! Though I'm still not good at it, I really tried my best! Today has been a great start to October! It's nice and cold and it makes me feel good! aaaah~~ I can't wait for winter! I hope my Mom buys me a bahn minh tomorrow ;A; Sue wants one so much! Sometimes I wonder who is reading my blog, I know there are people who do. It says so when I go to my main menu thing before making a new post! haha.

I want to sleep, but... I took a lot of naps today! My mom woke me up so early so I was very cranky. NOT TO MENTION MY MOM DECIDES TO LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN AND OUR DOG RUNS OUT. First thing when I wake up, Go chase the dog. x_x

I'm excited for tomorrow, well when I wake up, my cousin is going to take me to the midnight release for the new Resident evil game! I've been dying to watch someone play it! ;A; So excited!!

I think it's the weather, but I've been feeling so relaxed once I woke up from my last nap. *__* My brother turns 20 on Thursday~ Waaaah~~ I remember when we were kids. We fought A LOT. Now we're really good and close, haha I love him♥

My most current thing I wish to buy is... Harvest Moon: A New Beginning 3D ;A; gaaah I want the pre-order anniversary cow so bad ;a; Although cows remind me of my ex x_X but the Harvest Moon cow is too bad adorable ;A; I would put it next to my precious Mameshiba! Mameshiba reminds me of my best friend from school, haha I bought her a huge one for christmas one year. It was cute~♥ I want to invite them to my birthday this year, but... Isn't it a little awkward to invite people you haven't spoken to in months? Oh dear, I do miss them a lot! Every now and then I think of the person I had a crush on for 3 1/2 years. They were amazing, but our friendship was too important to ruin so I never bothered not to mention I had a lover whom I loved a lot. Though I do miss my ex a lot, I remember my old one sided love. They were really an amazing person... No one in my life tried so hard to relate to me. Learning Morning Musume for my sake, knowing who was my favorite and always making conversation about them just for my sake. I found one of the old Valentine Carnations hearts and every time I look at it I feel at ease. They were the only person I spoiled in real life. My ex was a long distance online thing. And I guess that's all it will ever be. I have no motivation to want to visit her. I mean, Why would I want to visit the person I love when they could not care? The person who broke my heart 3 times. Enough of that, I originally was just planning on talking about my old crush. Also my friends I had back in high school. Julie, Cherry, Betty, Jacky, Katie, Sara, and many many more. They were the best. Jacky has been the best advisory buddy I could ask for. Working on English last minute together, talking about random stuff. Not to mention her watching me sleep all the time! I couldn't help but sleep in advisory, my senior year was because I kept having only 2 hours sleep because my ex slept at odd times and I wanted to be with her as long as possible. Sara, even though I just met her Senior year, she's been a great help. She was the only person who knew I had a girlfriend haha. So I talked to her a lot about us. Julie. This idiot. I love her to death! We've been friends since 7th grade! It's depressing that we're now apart ;A; she was, and will always be, my precious best friend who I did a bunch of idiotic stuff with. I'll never forget the times we were together. Working on her major AP 4 project while in study hall. aah~ I miss these guys.

I'm out~~ I'm tired of typing!

Quote of the day: "A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world. -Leo Buscaglia"

Listening to: Be Mine - Infinite

Kita!

Harro :) well, right now I'm in bed typing this using my phone, honestly I don't like typing much on my.phone. So, my mom had her birthday party today at my aunts house because our house is too hot. As always my aunt asks me how old am I turning, of course I said 19, she then followed by the question ' do you have a boyfriend?' Obviously I don't. I honestly don't want to love someone who I haven't been friends with for a long time. I want someone who will no matter what stay by my side. Even after all the good and bad events. They will never leave me. Other than that, I have no intention of loving someone ever again.

Hyahoi!

Fuuu~ I wonder if you understand the title. haha~ It's Rihoriho's little word. I find it super adorable! Sooooo, I thought that not taking my usual nap would make me be able to sleep earlier, guess what? I'm still awake. LOL It didn't help! Right now I'm just watching some random stuff, Morning Musume stuff of course! I actually was playing videos but I wasn't paying attention to them... I was so hooked on my new game I bought on my phone! It's so much fun! For my Mother's birthday we went to a buffet, I honestly only like buffets for the unlimited Sushi! haha I me gusta sushi xD

My brother got his new phone today and he has been way too excited with it! Haha funny how he was like "I'm never going to buy a smartphone" guess what happened? he got one HAHA. Soooo all I hear right now is Ai-chan screaming LOL xD It's from the video. I also just bought 3 new things~

1. One-Two-Three LE F[?] The juukies version xD (I already have LE A and LE D)
2. Iroppoi Jiretai first press
3. A new phone case XD

Well, Imma go pay attention to my TV now XD

I'm really stupid, aren't I?

Why is it that I'm still stuck loving you? I told myself I won't have anymore regrets, but the more I think about it the more I regret everything. Here I am, loving you like an idiot but I know you've already forgotten everything we ever had. There aren't even the slightest bit of feelings that you had for me back then. Of course I know you sleep in silence, we slept together in call. I know you're cranky in the mornings right when you wake up, because I was already awake waiting for you. I started to remember that one time I fell asleep waiting for you to go to bed, you kept trying to send me messages but I never woke up, until you called me. You started to cry because you were scared I wasn't going to pick up the call. At that time you really did love me, didn't you? I really did mean the world to you, right? Everything back then feels like a dream. You made me really happy, you know that? Sure we had our problems, but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy with how we were. I feel like a big idiot, thinking that we would watch the next season of our show together. But I know that won't happen. We don't talk anymore, our relationship now is nothing more than an online friend. I forgotten how your voice sounds. Why did I have to love you more than I anticipated?



Why do I love you so much...?

Confused.

I don't get it. When I finally thought I can give up on you completely, I find myself breaking down. I've liked many people, was rejected once, but never in my life have I not been able to forget these feelings until I met you. I've become weak because of you. Why did you have to have such a huge impact in my life? The words I hate most now echo in my head. What am I supposed to do? Just one little thing tears me apart. I feel so stupid continuing to love you just like I always have. I know I'm hurting myself more, but what can I do? I went looking through my old cellphone and read the messages I saved. Where did I go wrong? I remember the day you told me you finally got over your first love because you loved me so much more. I guess it's true then. "To forget an old love, you have to find a new love." The problem is, I don't want to love anymore. It hurts. Hahaha... I love you, damnnit.

Quote of the day: "The reason for that is, I never loved anyone else so deeply, until you."

CHAAAAAANNCEEEEEEEE

Good evening~ Though I just woke up.... ^^;  Today my Mom was off, it was terrible! She kept waking me up ;A; I kind of like to have my sleep, thank you very much. Then when I finally decided to get up, I was forced to cook curry! ;a; whatever! xD

This morning, before sleeping, I was listening to my old dubs I did. Man, when I was a kid life was good. Nothing to worry about and just being carefree doing what I used to love. I would want to dub again, but it's just time consuming and not as fun as it used to be so haha. Instead I only really dub the newest Morning Musume songs.

I can't wait for winter, it's so dang hot here in Houston x_x I'm ready to wrap up in my nice warm blanket during cold nights~ I hope I don't get sick though, that one year when I was terribly sick was horrible! On Christmas too ;A; I ended up getting my brother sick though orz His was during new years, haha we have terrible luck.

So... I think I found what I want to do. The reason why I don't want to be a pastry chef is because it just suddenly became unreal. Like, I thought about how my future would be like if I did become one and it just suddenly didn't feel realistic. I then started thinking about becoming an English teacher. Ever since I started my sophomore year in high school, I grew to love English. It's thanks to my teacher for showing me how interesting English could be and teaching how everything is structured. In the end, English, and math, became my highest grades haha. Except pre-cal. That class was a bunch of hell. I talked to my brother about the fact I wasn't sure on what to do. He told me since the only other thing I have an interest in is Japanese culture/language that I should major in Japanese. That's when I started thinking more about it. So combine the two things I ended up loving. My number one dream for years has been to go to Japan, so I guess it all equals out. It would be nice to start a new life journey. But the problem is, I don't want to get a degree in a Junior college. I want to go to a University. :x

I'm off, I'm sleepy and hungry~ Terrible combi!

quote of the day: "Hand in cheese."

Listening to: Wakuteka take a chance!

Flickerin' lightz

Stupid light in my room keeps flickering. It's bothering me so much, but I just recently changed the light bulb! How annoying. Maybe we should buy NEW ones. My Mom keeps wanting to find some and use those, WELL NO FREAKING WONDER WHY IT KEEPS FLICKERING.

Yesterday, this morning, I went to bed at around 8:40am. I really need to fix my sleeping. When I wake up I'm still soooo sleepy x_x like right now. I can't even type correctly.  Anyways, now I am watching Rugrats all grown up. XD Man, I used to love this show.  I still dislike Angelica LOL xD

Also I've been continuing my old fics I abandoned due to stupid writer's block.  But I still can't think that well, but whatever. They're only for my own good anyways. I'm off, I'm not even paying attention here. xD

Quote of the day: "You better love her like I did." (It's from a fic I read while ago.)
Listening to: My alright sky

Sleeeeepy....

I have THE worst sleeping patteren right now. Ugh, I don't even know why. I just end up sleeping early morning and not waking up til late afternoon. It might as well be evening! Jesus.

So, I noticed I've been buying goods for roughly... mmm 3 years? Wow, it's been that long? Then again it's be quiet a long time since I started to like monring musume, even hello! pro. My CD collection is beautiful! I still need iroppoi jiretai to have Mr.Moonlight all the way to current. I even JUST bought wakuteka take a chance! On that note, My brother is insane! haha He bought LE B, D, F. All coming with the first press poster! haha, he's so silly xD It helps our favorite group (: Our purchaces do help with their sells! I love buying CDs, in my opinion it's the best way to support them, or going to their concerts. I do buy tons of other goods, but it's not the same feeling when getting a new CD if you know what I mean... xD I'm kind of sad I couldn't buy 2 CDs this time around ): for the past 2 singles, I've bought 2! Well... Renai hunter was obviously cause I wanted Gaki's ver. and One Two Three is because I also wanted Kyuukies version.. I can't help it! but I wouldn't know what other LE ver to get since my brother got all 3 LOL!

Oh! Hear me out, will ya? Though no one reads this haha! I use it mostly for ranting and stuff. I'm a zukki fan, Suzuki Kanon, but I also love Sayasushi, Sayashi Riho. I liked Riho since auditions, then I kind of got tired of her, but then I liked her again. Complicated, I know. But everyone, foreign fans, dislike her just because she is center. Like okay I know you're mad your favorite doesn't get attention, but seriously? Take it out on a 14 year-old girl? Okay, I wasn't supposed to be talking about that! xD The real topic is how adorable this girl is. If you didn't watch the newest DVD Magazines, GO FUCKING WATCH THEM. They're sooo amazing! Especially vol. 46. Sayasushi can eat. xD

Anyways, I'm off~ I'm still tired x_x


-----

I need a new 3DS game orz. Also still need to hang up my aitai aitai na first press poster... bleeeeh orz


Quote of the day: "I see a woman. ---- STABBING ME WITH A BANANA!" (I've been marathoning The Suite life on Deck"

Listening to: Wakuteka take a chance!

Screw the Nether.

Yet another day spent crying. I'm regretting everything. The stupid memories you left me with. It's been way over 3 months since I was dumped. Tossed out. Thrown away. Left all alone. Being home alone isn't good for me. When I'm home alone there is no one around, I begin to just start crying out loud. Crying as loud as I want. It's better then keeping it in and beating myself inside out. What is making me cry the most are the lies. "I'll only love you" "I won't love anyone as much as I love you" "I would never stop loving you." I wish... I wish I never fell in love .I wish I just stayed alone like I thought I was going to be, but now since I know what it feels like to feel loved and always being thought about, it hurts to be alone. I gave you everything, but it still wasn't enough. I did anything and everything to make you happy. Did you know everyone kept saying I could do better? No one understands the fact YOU were perfect to me. We had our fights, but I never stopped loving you. Fuck me. Just someone take me away from the pain. I don't want to live like this. Always scared when the person you love so much doesn't even think of you one little bit...

Hate. Hate. Hate.

It's hard. It's really hard to give up and forget the person you love so much. Memories haunt me. Everything and anything makes me think of you and I hate it. No matter what I'm always thinking of you, but I'm nothing more than a friend. Never will I be anything more.But this is what I get, right? It's what I deserve. I'm fine, but that's a lie. I'm not fine. I'm losing sleep, I can't eat as well as I used to and I can't think. What am I supposed to do!? What am I supposed to do to forget you? Everything I love reminds me of  you and I start to feel pain in my heart. I'm mad at myself, I decided to never love again. I hate it. I hate it so god damn much. I don't care if I'm alone forever, from the very beginning I knew I would be alone forever. I'm not the type to seem like to be interested in a relationship. I'll get over it, but right now I just want to die. I rather die than feel this type of pain. I don't know anymore. I give up. On everything. But that's actually a lie. How can I give up on someone I love so much? It's impossible. No matter what, I can't.