...

Today was supposed to be our 6th month anniversary... haha, I'm stupid for still thinking about this stuff. I feel like crying. I always do. Half a year was something that was going to be important to me, but we only seemed to have lasted 5 months and a day... yes, tomorrow is going to be a month since my heart broke. The day where my world just crumbled to nothing, the day that always seems to make me cry just thinking about it. I'm so stupid. Why can't I just stop loving you? Why does my heart and mind act differently? I bet you never even thought that today was going to be a special day. I bet you don't even remember stuff like this. I'm just an idiot for continuing to think of things like this. Why did I have to fall in love? I never want to fall in love again because it hurts too much when the other party leaves you. I'm really an idiot for believing you'd be with me forever. I really am stupid.

What to do.

I don't know. I feel so stupid for continuing to act the way I want. I've been telling myself to just move on, but every time she does something that makes it harder to not think of her. I miss those times when you would text me until I went to sleep. I'd go lay in bed but I wouldn't fall asleep until hours later, now we only text when I'm at school or something. Why can't I just accept that fact we aren't together, as a couple. You keep leading me on, making me think you want to get back together, but in the end I just keep hurting myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't regret accepting you confession, but sometimes I wonder what would I have become if I just rejected you... Why am I so stupid, why can't I just forget about you and the feelings I have? I don't like this pain. What I regret is the fact I couldn't make you happy. No matter what I did, I always made you cry. When we first started dating you told me that I made you really happy and that you never felt depressed. Every time I remember you telling me that, I regret ever trying to gain my own happiness. I forgot that I only wanted you happy. Why did I have to fall in love with you this much? It was never my intention to love you as much as I do.