Kita!

Harro :) well, right now I'm in bed typing this using my phone, honestly I don't like typing much on my.phone. So, my mom had her birthday party today at my aunts house because our house is too hot. As always my aunt asks me how old am I turning, of course I said 19, she then followed by the question ' do you have a boyfriend?' Obviously I don't. I honestly don't want to love someone who I haven't been friends with for a long time. I want someone who will no matter what stay by my side. Even after all the good and bad events. They will never leave me. Other than that, I have no intention of loving someone ever again.

Hyahoi!

Fuuu~ I wonder if you understand the title. haha~ It's Rihoriho's little word. I find it super adorable! Sooooo, I thought that not taking my usual nap would make me be able to sleep earlier, guess what? I'm still awake. LOL It didn't help! Right now I'm just watching some random stuff, Morning Musume stuff of course! I actually was playing videos but I wasn't paying attention to them... I was so hooked on my new game I bought on my phone! It's so much fun! For my Mother's birthday we went to a buffet, I honestly only like buffets for the unlimited Sushi! haha I me gusta sushi xD

My brother got his new phone today and he has been way too excited with it! Haha funny how he was like "I'm never going to buy a smartphone" guess what happened? he got one HAHA. Soooo all I hear right now is Ai-chan screaming LOL xD It's from the video. I also just bought 3 new things~

1. One-Two-Three LE F[?] The juukies version xD (I already have LE A and LE D)
2. Iroppoi Jiretai first press
3. A new phone case XD

Well, Imma go pay attention to my TV now XD

I'm really stupid, aren't I?

Why is it that I'm still stuck loving you? I told myself I won't have anymore regrets, but the more I think about it the more I regret everything. Here I am, loving you like an idiot but I know you've already forgotten everything we ever had. There aren't even the slightest bit of feelings that you had for me back then. Of course I know you sleep in silence, we slept together in call. I know you're cranky in the mornings right when you wake up, because I was already awake waiting for you. I started to remember that one time I fell asleep waiting for you to go to bed, you kept trying to send me messages but I never woke up, until you called me. You started to cry because you were scared I wasn't going to pick up the call. At that time you really did love me, didn't you? I really did mean the world to you, right? Everything back then feels like a dream. You made me really happy, you know that? Sure we had our problems, but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy with how we were. I feel like a big idiot, thinking that we would watch the next season of our show together. But I know that won't happen. We don't talk anymore, our relationship now is nothing more than an online friend. I forgotten how your voice sounds. Why did I have to love you more than I anticipated?



Why do I love you so much...?

Confused.

I don't get it. When I finally thought I can give up on you completely, I find myself breaking down. I've liked many people, was rejected once, but never in my life have I not been able to forget these feelings until I met you. I've become weak because of you. Why did you have to have such a huge impact in my life? The words I hate most now echo in my head. What am I supposed to do? Just one little thing tears me apart. I feel so stupid continuing to love you just like I always have. I know I'm hurting myself more, but what can I do? I went looking through my old cellphone and read the messages I saved. Where did I go wrong? I remember the day you told me you finally got over your first love because you loved me so much more. I guess it's true then. "To forget an old love, you have to find a new love." The problem is, I don't want to love anymore. It hurts. Hahaha... I love you, damnnit.

Quote of the day: "The reason for that is, I never loved anyone else so deeply, until you."

CHAAAAAANNCEEEEEEEE

Good evening~ Though I just woke up.... ^^;  Today my Mom was off, it was terrible! She kept waking me up ;A; I kind of like to have my sleep, thank you very much. Then when I finally decided to get up, I was forced to cook curry! ;a; whatever! xD

This morning, before sleeping, I was listening to my old dubs I did. Man, when I was a kid life was good. Nothing to worry about and just being carefree doing what I used to love. I would want to dub again, but it's just time consuming and not as fun as it used to be so haha. Instead I only really dub the newest Morning Musume songs.

I can't wait for winter, it's so dang hot here in Houston x_x I'm ready to wrap up in my nice warm blanket during cold nights~ I hope I don't get sick though, that one year when I was terribly sick was horrible! On Christmas too ;A; I ended up getting my brother sick though orz His was during new years, haha we have terrible luck.

So... I think I found what I want to do. The reason why I don't want to be a pastry chef is because it just suddenly became unreal. Like, I thought about how my future would be like if I did become one and it just suddenly didn't feel realistic. I then started thinking about becoming an English teacher. Ever since I started my sophomore year in high school, I grew to love English. It's thanks to my teacher for showing me how interesting English could be and teaching how everything is structured. In the end, English, and math, became my highest grades haha. Except pre-cal. That class was a bunch of hell. I talked to my brother about the fact I wasn't sure on what to do. He told me since the only other thing I have an interest in is Japanese culture/language that I should major in Japanese. That's when I started thinking more about it. So combine the two things I ended up loving. My number one dream for years has been to go to Japan, so I guess it all equals out. It would be nice to start a new life journey. But the problem is, I don't want to get a degree in a Junior college. I want to go to a University. :x

I'm off, I'm sleepy and hungry~ Terrible combi!

quote of the day: "Hand in cheese."

Listening to: Wakuteka take a chance!

Flickerin' lightz

Stupid light in my room keeps flickering. It's bothering me so much, but I just recently changed the light bulb! How annoying. Maybe we should buy NEW ones. My Mom keeps wanting to find some and use those, WELL NO FREAKING WONDER WHY IT KEEPS FLICKERING.

Yesterday, this morning, I went to bed at around 8:40am. I really need to fix my sleeping. When I wake up I'm still soooo sleepy x_x like right now. I can't even type correctly.  Anyways, now I am watching Rugrats all grown up. XD Man, I used to love this show.  I still dislike Angelica LOL xD

Also I've been continuing my old fics I abandoned due to stupid writer's block.  But I still can't think that well, but whatever. They're only for my own good anyways. I'm off, I'm not even paying attention here. xD

Quote of the day: "You better love her like I did." (It's from a fic I read while ago.)
Listening to: My alright sky

Sleeeeepy....

I have THE worst sleeping patteren right now. Ugh, I don't even know why. I just end up sleeping early morning and not waking up til late afternoon. It might as well be evening! Jesus.

So, I noticed I've been buying goods for roughly... mmm 3 years? Wow, it's been that long? Then again it's be quiet a long time since I started to like monring musume, even hello! pro. My CD collection is beautiful! I still need iroppoi jiretai to have Mr.Moonlight all the way to current. I even JUST bought wakuteka take a chance! On that note, My brother is insane! haha He bought LE B, D, F. All coming with the first press poster! haha, he's so silly xD It helps our favorite group (: Our purchaces do help with their sells! I love buying CDs, in my opinion it's the best way to support them, or going to their concerts. I do buy tons of other goods, but it's not the same feeling when getting a new CD if you know what I mean... xD I'm kind of sad I couldn't buy 2 CDs this time around ): for the past 2 singles, I've bought 2! Well... Renai hunter was obviously cause I wanted Gaki's ver. and One Two Three is because I also wanted Kyuukies version.. I can't help it! but I wouldn't know what other LE ver to get since my brother got all 3 LOL!

Oh! Hear me out, will ya? Though no one reads this haha! I use it mostly for ranting and stuff. I'm a zukki fan, Suzuki Kanon, but I also love Sayasushi, Sayashi Riho. I liked Riho since auditions, then I kind of got tired of her, but then I liked her again. Complicated, I know. But everyone, foreign fans, dislike her just because she is center. Like okay I know you're mad your favorite doesn't get attention, but seriously? Take it out on a 14 year-old girl? Okay, I wasn't supposed to be talking about that! xD The real topic is how adorable this girl is. If you didn't watch the newest DVD Magazines, GO FUCKING WATCH THEM. They're sooo amazing! Especially vol. 46. Sayasushi can eat. xD

Anyways, I'm off~ I'm still tired x_x


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I need a new 3DS game orz. Also still need to hang up my aitai aitai na first press poster... bleeeeh orz


Quote of the day: "I see a woman. ---- STABBING ME WITH A BANANA!" (I've been marathoning The Suite life on Deck"

Listening to: Wakuteka take a chance!

Screw the Nether.

Yet another day spent crying. I'm regretting everything. The stupid memories you left me with. It's been way over 3 months since I was dumped. Tossed out. Thrown away. Left all alone. Being home alone isn't good for me. When I'm home alone there is no one around, I begin to just start crying out loud. Crying as loud as I want. It's better then keeping it in and beating myself inside out. What is making me cry the most are the lies. "I'll only love you" "I won't love anyone as much as I love you" "I would never stop loving you." I wish... I wish I never fell in love .I wish I just stayed alone like I thought I was going to be, but now since I know what it feels like to feel loved and always being thought about, it hurts to be alone. I gave you everything, but it still wasn't enough. I did anything and everything to make you happy. Did you know everyone kept saying I could do better? No one understands the fact YOU were perfect to me. We had our fights, but I never stopped loving you. Fuck me. Just someone take me away from the pain. I don't want to live like this. Always scared when the person you love so much doesn't even think of you one little bit...

Hate. Hate. Hate.

It's hard. It's really hard to give up and forget the person you love so much. Memories haunt me. Everything and anything makes me think of you and I hate it. No matter what I'm always thinking of you, but I'm nothing more than a friend. Never will I be anything more.But this is what I get, right? It's what I deserve. I'm fine, but that's a lie. I'm not fine. I'm losing sleep, I can't eat as well as I used to and I can't think. What am I supposed to do!? What am I supposed to do to forget you? Everything I love reminds me of  you and I start to feel pain in my heart. I'm mad at myself, I decided to never love again. I hate it. I hate it so god damn much. I don't care if I'm alone forever, from the very beginning I knew I would be alone forever. I'm not the type to seem like to be interested in a relationship. I'll get over it, but right now I just want to die. I rather die than feel this type of pain. I don't know anymore. I give up. On everything. But that's actually a lie. How can I give up on someone I love so much? It's impossible. No matter what, I can't.