I never thought..

That I would come back here to let out my feelings... I've been having so much fun and enjoying my life when I became friends with everyone again. Everything felt like it was back to normal. But good things never last forever... I'm ignored, left out and forgettable. I just started crying... broke down til no tomorrow realizing no one really cares about me. I'm just kind of here... I feel like... I'm just taken for granted. I thought Louie was my best friend again, but he's really not the same person I remember him to be. He used to always care about me and how I feel, but now I feel like I'm just there for him. Nothing extremely special, just a friend who has his back. I'm broken. I don't know what to do. I'm all alone again and this is what I feared was going to happen when we became friends again. It's not only louie... It's also the person I love :/ I don't know what to do anymore to grab her attention. She just keeps getting mad at me and then ignores me. It hurts... So fucking much.

Dinowoooooooooo--oooo

LOL. Anyways, I've just been so intensely busy with my life. Have no reason to come here and rant, haha. So---- I secretly made a kpop rp tumblr account thing. Only two people of my friends know about it. I can't tell Louie cause he is like super against RP. Honestly. I am too but like only to the people who are intense about it. Like take it more seriously than their own life. Yeah, there are those types. RP is for fun, not an escape. You can't replace a RP life with a real life, it just doesn't work like that.

NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO DONGWOO. It's depressing... xD Whatever, I'll just go do some other stuff.

So, the real reason why I'm here typing a blog post.
I'm just so lost... so confused and I don't know what to do. How did I end up loving someone who is completely different from the past people I ever liked.... Why.... did it have to be me? I don't hate it, it's just... it hurts. Loving someone who doesn't think about you as much as you think about them. No matter what I do.... I always end up falling in love with her again. It's so complicated... -sigh- long distance.... sucks.

LET ME LOVE YOU ;A;

Soooooo. It's been about a week since something wonderful happened.

Louie forgave me. Now we're friends again and I'm really grateful for that. Not only Louie, but I'm talking to people on skype again. The person who really hated me for betraying her because I dated the person she loves when I knew she loved her is also talking to me again, kind of. But she added me back on skype which I am extremely surprised. I was never mad or whatever at her. She was the one who kicked me out of her life. I guess everything is fine because we broke up. More like she dumped me, but whatever.

One thing that bothers me though is my ex keeps calling me the name she gave me when we dated. Not only that but showing or acting a certain way that reminds me of the time we had together. She sits next to me in latale and gets mad when I move away. She sends me a picture where it shows a face like (/-\) which is like hiding and it goes like this:
"(/-\)
Where'd you go? ;a;
\(^-^)/ Here I am!!
There's my baby!! -glomps-"
It was just something we'd do... When she showed me a picture of it, it really just hurts. My heart burns with jealousy. I don't make it that way, it just happens. I don't even know my feelings towards her. It just all hurts and burns in my heart. -sigh- I'll get over it eventually, right?

Anyways, instead of showing some stuff I have I want to share a picture that is making me die and spazz.

ROD, Y U NOT REAL!? ;A;

Realization

Bleeeh another one of these wishy washy posts.

Today I was sitting in the living room and I finally felt like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I was thinking that I was finally able to accept the fact my ex doesn't love me and only sees me as a friend and that I could look back to this memory and see it as a happy one. I really wish for it to be a happy memory. But then, my heart just starts feeling heavy whenever she talks to me.

Deep down, I'll never forget. You can never really forget your feelings of someone you loved so much. No matter how long in the future it is, I probably will never forget it either. How does one forget about an old love? You find a new one. I learned that from Bokura ga Ita. I'm afraid to ever love again.

I feel bad, on here I only said the bad things of my ex. I guess it's about time I say all the good things. She's really innocent when it comes to loving. She's a crybaby. She always would cry when we wouldn't talk for a while. Even just a few hours. If I didn't pick up the call she would cry. I thought it was adorable. Every night, even just for 5 minutes, we could call and say good night and the three words I hate hearing, "I love you." She's really nice, even when she can be a real meany sometimes, most of the time she is nice. She gives people too many chances, she forgives people too easily. She's the type of person you have to protect. She's really weak. She weaker than anyone thinks.

Honestly, with how we act with each other now.... You can't really say we're friends. We talk, typing that is, once a week. You know what hurts me the most though? She just naturally calls me the name she gave me when I meant something to her. The name only she was allowed to call me. That name... holds so many memories. I just wonder... What has she down with the promise ring and necklace... haha.. a idiot I am.

dsfghjkljkgjfhdry
Today's is...

My cow and HM: ANB~

Cause tonight, everything is alright---

Title is from a song xP Kind of been addicted to English music for once. The only English I actually listen to a lot is Christmas music though.

I am still forever waiting for my HM: ANB + Mr. Cow to arrive ;a; I am being super impatient! Butbutbut it's the whole reason why I decided to buy a 3DS! I wanted that game more the KH: 3D. But I bought my 3DS when the new KH came out so of course I le bought it!

I honestly have 0 idea on what to talk about today. Well, when I woke up I played The Walking Dead game. Not the Facebook one, pft. The one you get off steam, I finished Episode 1. But that game makes me panic. LOL I'm just very jumpy I guess xD

I've been wanting to play a FPS game though, I suck hardcore so I wanna practice more... But idk what is a good one to play. I was thinking of Left 4 Dead, but I don't know... Whatever, I'll just wait for my HM game ;A;

You know... during my high school days, my favorite birthday gift is... my 17 Orange origami turtles. It was my 17th birthday, one of my best friends at the time spent all night making them for me... She even told me her parents got mad at her for being up! I miss her a lot. I also got something similarish for christmas one year, but it was... 999 origami cranes. yes, 999. They say having 1,000 is good luck, but the person who made them for me said she wanted to just make 999 haha. It's all good though, it's in a big jar while my turtles are on a string xP

My stuff of stoof n' staff
Today is...

Meet my Mameshiba, Ty-chan! :D He's so adorable~

Shock Shock Shock...

My titles never make sense, do they? LOL. Well, it's from Wakuteka. :]

Today has been such a wonderful day! Except the fact I had a shitty headache when I woke up. Though took some medicine and felt better within a few minutes!

My Mom has been off the past 2 days so I've been out shopping with her. Just to like Walmart and such, nothing super huge. It's nice to shop with her cause she buys me the stuff I want.~ Like yesterday we went to a asian market and i saw they had yellow watermelons. I asked my mom if we could try it~ So we bought it. XD Not to mention she also bought me some Starbucks when we went to Target~

Today we went to Walmart, we bought a few things so I can eat when she is working. Then we went to McDonalds for lunch. Normally we just get the hot and spicy chicken sammiches, but they were giving out scooby-doo trick or treat baskets for the kids meal toy. I asked my mom if she could get me one.... I ended up with a chicken sammich and a kids meal~~!! hehehe it's wonderful!

I come home and check my e-mail and----- MY HARVEST MOON: A NEW BEGINNING HAS SHIPPED!!!! *_______________________________* ROD MY LOVE HERE I COME!!! Gaaaah~~!!! SO GOD DAMN EXCITED! Thank god I took the most expansive shipping~ Woo hoo 2 day shipping!! GASDFHSADGSJGKSDKGREK I CAN'T WAIT FOR MR. COW

Hahaha~ Mr. Cow reminds me of Julie~ She for some odd reason really liked cows xP her AIM even had to do with cows and purple LOLOL xD Gaaah~ She's so odd, but I love her to death. She messaged me yesterday wanting to making mochi because hers melted!

My lovely stoof and stuff and shit. xD

Today's is...

Woo hooo Renai hunter sets! Though I ended up giving one of the white bg sets to my brother~

I'm hungry...

My sleeping hasn't changed since the last post... Oh well, I actually like waking up earlier, I get to see the beauty of the day light. I can't wait until winter though! I always find it calming when the sky is all dark and cloudy and it's nice and cold outside. It kind of reminds me of high school because I would sit outside waiting for my ride and just stare at the sky. In my eyes it was so beautiful. I guess that's what I get for being a winter baby. I love it though~

I recently been playing Fable The Lost Chapters, I've always been wanting to play Fable. I was going to just play Fable III but they I just decided to play the older one and once I'm done with it I'll get into the next. Though I can't play Fable II since it's not on the computer...

Sooooo, I kind of want to talk about something personal. Though, not like anyone reads my blog so it's fine~!

Past few days I've just been thinking, well more like comparing. The last person I had a crush on and my ex. They were completely different. Oh so very different.... Just cause I don't want to write their real names, we'll use code names. My last crush will be Gaki and my ex will be Kame. Okay, so Gaki is this cute little asian girl, we're actually the same height hahaha but I'm oh so very slightly taller. Honestly, she is very much like Gaki-san, like some of her expressions look similar. Gaki is the only person I spoiled in real life too, like I bought her things she wanted and treated her to drinks or food when we went out to eat. I also protected her a lot. When our friends were teasing her I was the only one comforting her when she started crying. Of course in the end everyone felt terrible. Fyi, Gaki is someone where if you make her cry it pains so much. She's like someone you can't hurt without feeling terrible. xD Anyways, she is smart. Super smart, when I needed help with something she would try and help me understand, which didn't happen often but when I did ask for her she was of great great help. Oh btw, Gaki has always been my type of girl. Honestly speaking she was exactly my type. XD I liked her a lot but our friendship meant the world to me so I didn't even think of making a move. Gaki.... was one of the only ones who tried to relate to me with Morning Musume. She learned their names and who my favorites were. She'd rarely get mad at me, even when I know I did something wrong she would always forgive me. Oh, I have no feelings for her anymore. It's just I wanted to point out how amazing she is and why I came to like her a lot. Every time I think about her now, I get a smile on my face. Just from the happy memories we had together. One memory will be with me forever. Right after graduation. Right after the ceremony all the graduates went outside to find their family. I walk outside and she comes running towards me with her arms wide open. Before I knew it, we were in a tight hug. It lasted for a few minutes but I will never forget the feeling I had. It was at that moment were I could finally say that I have no regrets on liking her for over 3 years. I was happy and I was able to not see her any more than a friend. I was able to move on from my one-sided love for her. Even though I was dating Kame during my senior year, I could honestly say that I still liked Gaki a lot.

Both Gaki and Kame are really innocent. Even though Gaki is my type, I could honestly say I was seriously in love with Kame. All the things I said to her, all the promises I kept with her. None of those were lies. I was really in love with her. Compared to Gaki, Kame was different. Even though we were dating, she would never prioritize me. She dumped me because of distance and because we've become more distant. It was like she was putting the blame on me. I was always here waiting for her to call or talk to me on skype but she would always choose her friends over me. She got mad at me a lot as well. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. I told her everyday that I loved her. I spent hundreds of dollars on things she wanted, which she eventually sold. I was always thinking of her above anyone. She really was my world, she meant everything to me. No matter what, I was never good enough for her. I'd get jealous because she talked to her role playing lover more than me and she would get mad. She would get mad at me if I was upset of the fact she won't ring with me. To her it felt like I was never her first choice. If someone else asked her to hang out or talk before I asked she would blow me off and not hang out with me. Even though she got mad at me oh so often, there were times where we were happy. I don't hate her., but if you'd ask me if I love her or have feelings for her, I wouldn't know how to answer.. She dumped me 3 times. Now she doesn't even talk to me unless it's about the walking dead or buying goods. I don't need pity,

I'm actually happy now. I lived a life without online friends. Online friends.... never really understand you. When you think they do, they really don't. They don't understand anything. The things you think, the things you like, the things that are good and bad. They only know the things you tell them. It took me awhile to get it, but real life friends, because they are right there by your side physically, they know everything about your mind, heart, and body.

anyways, that's enough for today. Never again will I make a post like this haha~

My lovely stuff of stooof~
Today is....

Some of my Gaki photos! x] Love it~! This is not even near all of it!