Lonely

Even though I said I wouldn't post any more sad things I can't help it.
Suddenly I feel as I am really lonely, not only at home but also at school. I only have a handful of friends. It's not because I'm not friendly but because I don't stand out much. Sometimes I feel as if my friends I have are slowly slipping away. In my last sad post I mentioned that I had about three main friends, Julie, Cherry, and Betty. It's with them the most I feel alone. It's not because they are pushing me away, they aren't. I just feel as if they don't even notice me anymore. Julie and Cherry are both in Orchestra and Betty is in Art with another of my almost close friend. I'm left alone. I'm the only one out of my friends that like Jpop, I have no one to talk about my interests. Even if they do like Jpop it isn't the same group that I like. I'm left alone when they all talk about the group they all like. I always want to cry at that moment. It hurts. At home my older brother is always chatting on AIM or texting with his friends, he rarely leaves his room unless he is going somewhere with his friends. At school I usually find myself sitting alone. I may say I'm fine but really I'm in pain. The emptiness in me. I feel extremely lonely. At home I'm usually just online but no one ever talks to me. It's not something new. It's been like this for awhile but now it seems to be more lonely. At school I pretend to be strong and not care for anything but really inside I'm really weak. I can't handle a lot of things. There are times I just want to cry but I hide it from everyone. I won't do anything stupid like suicide, I just don't want to be lonely anymore. The only thing for sure that keeps me sane is Hello! Project and Morning Musume. Without them I wouldn't be able to contain anything. Just watching videos and listening to their songs makes me smile.